


Galaxies Between Our Bones

by wordslinger



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Cheater fic, F/M, but also fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-03-08 17:46:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13463346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordslinger/pseuds/wordslinger
Summary: His eyes fluttered open only briefly. They were a heartbreaking shade of green. The thought of sitting in the street as the life in them dimmed made her sick.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how long this will be but there is a definite end. I have two other projects I need to be working on but my mind won't settle on either of them. Inspired by a particularly juicy reddit post!

_“ **I have galaxies between my bones and I will love you until the stars burn out”**_

* * *

 

            On any other day she’d have missed him entirely.

* * *

 

            Erza had a system. Working overnight at the hospital required a rigid personal schedule because she was _not_ a natural night owl. Her phone had a complex array of alarms and her refrigerator was filled with neatly labeled, pre-portioned, single meal servings. For the last year and a half she’d been trying for a better schedule but simply did not have the seniority to make demands.

            For better or for worse – as of late, Erza considered it _worse_ – her life was devoid of superfluity. She didn’t have hundreds of Facebook friends or keep in contact with all her college acquaintances like Mirajane. She didn’t have a constant influx of relationship dramas like Lucy, though, to be fair, Simon wasn’t ever in town long enough to create drama. When boiled down, Erza _knew_ her life was at a standstill. Bad schedule. Absent boyfriend. No social life. She’d fix it… if she knew how. The trap was messy and one she’d set herself by taking the first job offer after graduating _and_ hanging on to a boyfriend that didn’t bring much to the table besides sex – when he was actually in town.

            March was possibly her least favorite month. She didn’t mind the rain so much as the stubborn spring chill that refused to let go. The rain seemed to take up its own space in her mind, though, so when Erza passed by the building manager’s office on her way down to the bus stop, she cringed. It was already the third and the office would be closed in an hour. Erza turned around and raced back up three flights of stairs to retrieve the rent check she’d left on her kitchen counter six whole days before. The building manager had keys in hand when she burst back into the lobby.

            “I’m so sorry,” Erza gasped. “I’ve been meaning to pay for days.”

            “Don’t worry about it Miss Scarlet,” the woman said with a friendly smile. “You’ve got a difficult schedule. I would’ve sent you a text message in the morning if you hadn’t shown up just now.”

            “Thank you so much,” Erza said, clutching the strap of her bag and still trying to catch her breath. “I don’t mean to be so absent minded. I _did_ have a reminder I just –”

            The building manager laughed. “I sure do wish I still had the energy to tear up and down the stairs like you just did. Please, don’t fret over it.”

            “Right,” she breathed. Erza’s phone blared and she dug into her jacket pocket, nearly fumbling the device all together. _“Damn,”_ she whispered.

            “Something wrong?”

            “No, no. I just missed my bus is all. There’ll be another one in twenty minutes.” Erza stuffed the phone away and turned to leave. “Thanks again for your understanding.”

            The building manager said something in return but Erza didn’t hear it. She’d _missed her bus._ Her entire schedule was now off by twenty minutes. This meant she’d have to rush to her locker straight from the bus stop in the hospital parking lot and forgo her usual trip to the kitchen. Which, of course, meant that her mid-shift meal would have to be left in her locker instead of the refrigerator. Her lunch bag had its own built in liner that would keep the food at a mostly proper temperature but the disruption _bothered_ her.

            The bus stop shelter provided just enough coverage to keep her dry and only if she sat at a diagonal. Erza tucked her feet under the bench and sighed. Missing the bus felt like a bad omen for the day. Graveyard in the ER was already the highest amount of stress she’d ever experienced in her life. Adding to that felt like an insult.

            A whoosh of wind ruffled her hair even beneath the shelter and the rain suddenly thickened into a proper deluge. Erza reached up to gather what should’ve already been in a braid over her shoulder and examined the ends. She needed a trim. Her train of self-pity was brought to a screeching halt in the form of a motorcycle hydroplaning across the street. Erza glanced up just in time to watch the driver skid over the median and slam into the concrete barrier that lined the underpass.

            Traffic near her building at such a late hour was low and Erza didn’t think before dashing from the cover of the bus stop shelter toward the unmoving driver. The rain soaked her jacket immediately and her hair stuck to her face. As she neared the motorist, the gore of the accident became clear. One leg was very clearly broken and, despite the leather jacket, the victim’s torso was deeply lacerated and bleeding. Erza unsnapped the chin guard of the helmet and gently pulled it off. The man’s lip was split open and gravel from the road was stuck to his neck. His breaths were shallow and every one brought on a fresh stream of blood.

            Erza peeled his shirt away from his chest and swallowed a horrified gasp. She’d never seen something so fresh and mangled. When a person made it into the ER, paramedics had already taken action. This man was in need of immediate medical attention. She pulled her phone out of her pocket but couldn’t unlock it. The rain’s interference with the touch screen meant she’d need to move someplace dry.

            The man groaned softly and Erza chewed her lip.

            “Sir?” she said in the firmest voice she could muster. “Sir can you hear me?” He groaned again and his eyes fluttered open only briefly. They were a heartbreaking shade of green. The thought of sitting in the street as the life in them dimmed made her sick.

            She left his helmet beside his body and stood. The man didn’t respond at all. Once under the cover of the bridge, Erza wiped the face of her phone on her damp shirt inside the flap of her jacket. She kept the emergency call as brief as possible and returned to the man’s side.

            “I called an ambulance for you, okay?” she went on, not even knowing if he could hear or understand her. “You’re going to be fine. Just…” Erza stuffed away her terror. “Just hold on.”

* * *

 

            “Hey,” Mirajane said in a tone Erza thought nosey. “I heard about what happened with that motorcycle guy!”

            “Yeah?” Erza couldn’t have made her disinterest in talking about the accident plainer.

            “It sounds _harrowing!_ Did you really hold his chest together until the ambulance arrived?”

            Erza snorted. “No. He wasn’t in pieces, Mira. Just badly injured.”

            “He’s in the ICU,” she went on as if Erza hadn’t said anything at all. “He’s a looker, too.”

            “Jesus, Mira,” Erza muttered, setting aside one completed chart and picking up another. “You’re such a vulture.”

            “You don’t think what happened is romantic _at all?”_ Mirajane demanded. “What if he’s your soulmate and you’ve been brought together by destiny?”

            “If destiny is this violent, I’d rather not have it in my life.” Erza sighed and moved on to another chart. “Besides, you know I have a boyfriend,” she insisted weakly.

            “Oh, sure. Yep. And he makes you super happy, too.”

            “I’m not getting into this today,” Erza snapped. “I’ve had a rough shift and I’m not going to sexualize an ICU patient who’s lucky to be alive.”

            “Your loss,” Mirajane chirped, tossing her ponytail over her shoulder. “I was there after they cleaned him up. He’s _gorgeous.”_

            “Does Laxus know you ogle patients like this?”

            “Laxus is a grown man who isn’t threatened by my window shopping.” Mirajane, seemingly immune to Erza’s bad mood, smiled again before wrapping a scarf around her neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Erza. Maybe you’ll be in a better mood by then.”

            “My mood is fine,” Erza muttered once her friend had gone. She glanced at the station clock and finally tidied her stack of completed charts. This had been the longest shift in recent memory.

            As she gathered her now dry jacket and belongings from her locker, Erza realized she’d left her lunch bag in the bus stop shelter the night before. It felt like ten years had passed since she’d first sat on the bench and tried to keep her knees dry while waiting for the bus.

            For reasons she didn’t entirely understand or care to seek an explanation for, Erza stopped by the ICU on her way out of the hospital. The motorist still looked fragile. His face had flowering bruises and his split lip was now swollen around the stitches. A heart monitor beeped steadily as his chest rose and fell. Erza pursed her lips in irritation. Mirajane hadn’t been wrong. His face may have been a frightful mess but he was definitely easy on the eyes.

* * *

 

            She told herself she looked in on him because nobody else did. The man had been in the ICU for three days and no one visited. Erza knew this because she _checked._ His name and information had been lifted from the wallet found in his pants pocket but his phone had been utterly destroyed.

            _Jellal Fernandes._ Erza thought it a musical name. She wondered what he did for a living, what his voice sounded like, what kinds of hobbies he had. The mystery of it ate at her in the most thrilling way… and it _hurt_ when she rounded the corner on the fourth day to find a dark haired woman standing at his bedside with a forlorn, broken expression on her face. Erza tried to backtrack but the woman spotted her immediately.

            “Are you his nurse?” she asked.

            “Uh, no,” Erza stammered. “But I am _a_ nurse. Did you have a question?”

            “The police said he was in a hydroplaning accident. Can you tell me what happened?”

            “From what I understand, he skid across the street and crashed into a cement barrier.” Erza held in a breath before blowing it out. “He wasn’t in good shape. I was… I was there. I called the ambulance for him.”

            “You saw it happen?”

            “Partly. It was all very quick.”

            “Thank you for taking care of him,” the woman whispered. “Do you think he’ll wake up?”

            Erza reached for his chart and glanced over the information she had almost memorized in her head. “I don’t think they’ve identified any brain damage but it’s really hard to tell what will happen. I believe he’s scheduled to be moved from the ICU tomorrow.”

            The dark haired woman nodded. Her hand fell to the bedrail and her fingertips brushed over his arm. Erza expected her to cry but she didn’t. Her curiosity _burned_ and she absolutely could not stop herself from speaking.

            “Are you his wife?”

            The woman almost laughed. “No, I’m not his wife. Just a friend.”

            “I hate to pry –” She didn’t. “But do you have any way of contacting his family or a next of kin?”

            “Oh, of course,” the woman said, glancing up. “I’ll let his mother know. I just needed to make sure it was really him.”

            A completely inappropriate feeling of possessiveness surged through Erza’s chest when the woman reached out to touch his hair. She spun on her heel and left them alone. It wasn’t until she was halfway to the elevators that she realized his chart was still clutched firmly in her hands.

* * *

 

            Jellal Fernandes’s mother was a beautiful woman; her eyes were a deep brown color Erza loved right away and her hair a delicate spun gold. She didn’t look much like the unconscious man at all. Anna, she learned, interacted awkwardly with the dark haired woman and as Erza watched them from the other side of the window she found herself grossly fascinated by whatever history they shared.

            “What are you doing?” Mirajane whispered in her ear.

            Erza startled. “What? Nothing!”

            “It looks to me like you’re watching this poor woman’s tragedy like a spectator sport.”

            “Excuse me?” Erza found herself horribly embarrassed and flustered. “I’m just… I mean, wasn’t it _you_ who –”

            “I’m kidding,” Mirajane said quietly. “Wow, his mom is gorgeous, too. It clearly runs in the family. Who’s the chick with the black hair?”

            “I don’t know,” Erza whispered. “She isn’t his wife.”

            “How do you know that?”

            “I asked.” Erza felt Mirajane’s surprise and didn’t have to look over at her to know the expression melted into a smirk.

            “You’ve got it bad.”

            “I was just curious! Plus, I needed the information for his chart.”

            “No, you didn’t,” Mirajane corrected. “He isn’t on your rotation. Just admit you’re into him.”

            “Stop,” Erza hissed. “I’ll admit he’s attractive despite his face looking beat to hell but he’s a _patient.”_

            “And you aren’t a _doctor,”_ Mirajane said before sauntering off down the hallway.

* * *

 

            The text from Simon came through while Erza was still on the bus. She scowled at his words.

            _‘Where are you?’_

_‘On the bus. I’ll be home soon.’_

_‘You could’ve let me know.’_

_‘We don’t live together and my schedule hasn’t changed in a year, Simon.’_ She didn’t mean to be curt with him but her irritation won the day.

            Erza and Simon had been dating since her second year of nursing school. He’d given her all the overly romantic, flowery things a younger, less experienced version of her loved. Now, almost four years later, the relationship wasn’t much more than a few days of sex and take out every other week. Simon usually flew home on a Friday and left again on the following Monday. Every once and a while he’d stick around for a few weeks but Erza never counted on his company.

            _‘Sorry. You’re right.’_

_‘No, I’m sorry. It’s been a rough few weeks. You can come over later if you want.’_

_‘I just got off the plane and I’m wired with jetlag. Will you wait up for me?’_

_‘I’ll try. Text me and I’ll buzz you up.’_

_‘Okay.’_

Erza sighed and clicked off her phone. She leaned against the bus window and watched the damp world roll by. Spring really was the most depressing season.

* * *

 

            Simon brought her a box of cupcakes to makeup for their awkward text conversation. The eight little strawberry cakes from the bakery she favored made her smile.

            “I feel guilty for catching you on a bad day,” he said from behind her. His lips pressed to the curve of her neck. “I promise I didn’t mean to upset you.”

            “It’s not your fault, Simon. I’m just so tired of graveyard.” Erza closed her hands around his. “I miss the sunlight.” She spun around and he smiled down at her.

            “How soon until they’ll give you new hours?”

            “Mm, probably another six months.” She shrugged and her eyes fell to his belt buckle. Suddenly she had no interest in talking about work.

            “I’ve got a new contract,” he whispered against her lips as he took a kiss. “I don’t leave again for another two weeks.”

            “Good.” Erza moved from his open belt to the buttons of his shirt. Simon’s clothes were off before hers and they didn’t make it to the bedroom. Afterward, wrapped in a blanket on the couch, Erza shared her cupcakes with him as he told her all about his trip.

            Her bedroom curtains were light canceling but Erza could still see the sun peeking through the gaps. Simon slept soundly beside her but she couldn’t stop thinking about Jellal Fernandes unconscious in his hospital bed and the woman who’d touched his hair so familiarly.

* * *

 

            Despite his promise that he wouldn’t be leaving town again for another two weeks, his presence was gone much sooner. He left her apartment the following evening with a brief kiss, his mind obviously elsewhere. Erza missed his company immediately. Being with Simon was lonely; even though she recognized her own schedule was just as restrictive as his. Erza also recognized that she and Simon were no longer in love. Perhaps they never were. It was hard to let go of something that had taken root so young and stayed for so long.

            Weekends off were the only perk to Erza’s graveyard schedule, but even that was tainted by the structure of her days. At some point over the last few months she’d begun to think of herself as a vampire.

            On Sunday afternoon she dreamt of Jellal Fernandes’s blood on the palms of her hands.

* * *

 

            _‘Sorry I had to take off on Friday. I hate to disrupt your sleep schedule.’_

_‘It’s fine. I know you have work stuff.’_

_‘I may take an earlier flight out. My sister’s partner just had her baby and I’d like to visit before I leave the country again.’_

Erza couldn’t bring herself to feel surprised or even hurt he was leaving again so soon. _‘Send Kagura my congratulations. I’m happy for her!’_

_‘She’ll be glad to hear it. Maybe if we can make the timing work, you and I could visit this next holiday season?’_

_‘Sure. We’ll work it out later.’_

_‘I’ll let you know when I have my flight plans.’_

_‘Okay.’_ The entire conversation felt empty. Hollow. Despite her very genuine happiness for Simon’s sister, Erza didn’t actually feel anything about the rest of it. Making holiday plans nearly a year out came so natural she hadn’t thought twice about it.

            The evening was chilly and Erza stuffed her hands in her jacket pockets before stepping off the bus and into the hospital parking lot. Mirajane waited for her just beyond the glass doors.

            “He’s awake!” she announced with barely contained excitement.

            “Who?” even though the lurch in Erza’s gut meant she didn’t need to ask.

            “Don’t be like that. You _know_ who! Mister Motorcycle!” Mirajane clutched at Erza’s arm and practically vibrated. “How was your weekend, by the way?”

            “I’m sure Mister Motorcycle’s mother is elated,” Erza murmured, trying to wiggle out of Mirajane’s grasp and her jacket. “And my weekend was fine. Simon’s in town.”

            “Oh? Did you work out some of that grouchy tension?”

            “I guess.” Erza pushed open the door to the locker room and Mirajane followed. She hung her jacket on the door hook of her locker and stuffed her bag inside. The cash in the front zipper pocket was for her lunch – she still hadn’t replaced the lunch bag she’d left in the bus shelter. “His sister just had a baby so he’s leaving again soon.”

            “Erza –”

            “Please don’t say it, Mira, I know. We’re just… in a rut.” Erza tidied her hair and shut her locker. “We’ll work it out.”

            Mirajane sighed and pursed her lips. “Maybe you shouldn’t.”

            “I don’t want to talk about this.”

            “You _never_ want to talk about it.”

            “It is what it is, Mira. We’re consistent.”

            “Consistently _boring._ He doesn’t make you happy!”

            “I’m happy!” Erza insisted, pushing past Mirajane to wash her hands.

            “Oh yeah? Then how come you’re sniffing around the bed of a guy who was all but in a coma until this morning?” Mirajane prodded. “How come your boyfriend is in town for the first time in _weeks_ and you look like you don’t care at all?”

            “I don’t know,” Erza snapped. “Maybe this is just as good as it gets for me.”

            “Oh, Erza,” Mirajane said sadly. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to jump on your ass. I just hate seeing you so miserable.”

            “I’ll be fine.” Erza reached for the ends of Mirajane’s ponytail that fell over her shoulder. “I just need to figure out what I want.”

* * *

 

            “Excuse me,” a voice from behind her said. Erza spun around to find herself face to face with Jellal Fernandes’s mother. “I hate to bother you in the middle of the night but –”

            “It’s not a bother,” Erza insisted with a smile.

            “I was just wondering if the cafeteria was open this late.”

            “I’m afraid not. There’s some vending machines down there with sandwiches and things like that but the kitchen won’t open again until morning.”

            “Oh, okay.” The woman’s face fell and Erza immediately felt bad. “Thank you for your help.”

            “I can run down there if you want,” she blurted without thinking. “To the machines, I mean. I have an employee card.”

            “I couldn’t ask you to do that!”

            “It’s not a problem. I don’t mind. Did you want a sandwich or a cup of noodles? The variety isn’t great but I’d be happy to do it.”

            “Uh –” The woman glanced down the hallway. “It isn’t for me. My son missed the evening meal because he was sleeping. I didn’t have the heart to wake him and I feel bad that he’s hungry now.”

            Erza’s heart skipped a beat. “I see. Well, I really don’t mind at all. Does he have dietary preferences?”

            “I don’t think so. A sandwich would be fine. He… he can have solid food, right?”

            “Of course! I’ll head down there now. Give me twenty minutes, okay?”

            “Oh, thank you so much!” The woman smiled and Erza thought her even more curiously beautiful than before.

            The cafeteria vending machine was on the first floor of the hospital. Erza would be delaying her administrative duties running an errand for the man’s mother but she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see him awake and alert. She stared at the display of sandwiches before settling on turkey. It was an agreeable enough meat. A cup of blue jello also slid into the bottom compartment and Erza retrieved them both. On her way back up to the man’s room her stomach twisted and her heart pounded.

            What was _wrong_ with her? This fascination couldn’t be normal! Her reaction to dealing with a patient was absolutely infuriating. This was her _job._ By the time Erza knocked softly on his room door, she could barely breathe.

            “Oh thank you so much!” Anna gushed when she entered the room. “I really appreciate it.”

            “It’s not a problem at all,” Erza said in her most professional voice available.

            Something in the room tugged at her. The compulsion to turn and meet the eyes of the man she’d seen bleeding out in the road a week before was strong. His lip was still swollen and the bruises on his face hadn’t faded much but Erza thought him beautiful all the same.

            His smile was pained and awkward but there was something in it that made her face burn.

            “Thank you,” he said in a slow breath. “Wasn’t it you who saved my life? I’d never forget hair the color of yours.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I haven't forgotten this one. It's just slow going because I personally think it's a little weird. It kind of reminds me of those "artsy" films that can't afford proper scores so you hear everything including the way everybody breathes. Usually they're unnecessarily dramatic and end abruptly...
> 
> Anyway. There will be at least one more chapter. Not sure yet.

            Simon caught a plane before the second week was out. His absence left a troubling hole that hadn’t ever been there before. On Wednesday morning before she went to bed, Erza absently dipped a bag of chamomile tea in and out of a mug and couldn’t decide if she missed Simon or the role he was supposed to be playing in her life.

            When she woke the next evening, she had an inbox full of pictures. Kagura and her wife were glowing and their baby with her pink cheeks and fuzzy hat prodded Erza’s heart in a place that made her feel even emptier inside.

* * *

 

            For the first time since the desolation of a graveyard shift sank in, Erza looked forward to catching the bus at nine in the evening. She even caught herself reaching for a tube of lip _gloss_ instead of lip _balm._ Her stomach was filled with nervous butterflies and she decided to stop feeling guilty for it.

            Jellal Fernandes’s leg had been broken in two places but it was the injuries to his torso that kept him in the hospital. Four broken ribs and the sternum fracture severely limited his breathing. Despite his short breaths, Erza found that she loved his voice. It was soothing and stuck in her ears like cotton candy on fingers.

            She no longer bothered with feelings like shame and spend her lunch and breaks in his room.

            “Ultear told me you asked if she was my wife,” Jellal said, carefully shuffling a deck of cards that look like they’d been loved too hard. His skill with them amused and impressed her. It wasn’t lost on Erza how easily she’d become infatuated with every little thing he did.

            “Ah,” Erza flustered and tried very hard not to blush. “I did. I wasn’t trying to pry. We just didn’t know who to contact. I was curious and you hadn’t had any visitors –”

            “It’s fine,” he said with a short laugh. His smile flinched and she wondered how badly the laughing hurt him. “I don’t mind that you asked.”

            “She said no anyway but promised to let your mother know.”

            “Ultear and I are divorced,” he stated plainly. “She hasn’t been my wife since we were teenagers.”

            “Oh.” Erza didn’t know what else to say. The admission surprised her.

            “It… was a complicated thing.” Jellal flipped one card over between his fingers. “There wasn’t another solution at the time and we divorced soon after.”

            “You don’t have to tell me any of this,” Erza said softly, glancing away from him to the window. The rain outside slid down the glass in thick trails and disturbed the view from his windows.

            “I wanted to. I mean, I _want_ to.” Jellal stared at the card in his hand for a long moment and Erza enjoyed simply watching him. He heaved as heavy a breath as he was able and suddenly grinned. “Even if I had romantic love for her, she wouldn’t reciprocate.”

            “No?”

            “No. Ultear has been a skirt chaser for as long as I’ve known her.”

            “My boyfriend’s sister is the same. She’s finally settled now and her wife just had a baby.” Erza bit her lip and watched for any reaction. He nodded slightly and slid the loose card back into the deck.

            “My mother knows Ultear’s preferences but doesn’t quite understand why we aren’t still married.” He sighed. “In the same breath she’ll also try to set me up with her students.”

            “Is she a teacher?”

            “A professor of music. I’ve been out with a few of her attempts but the problem is always me.” His smile sent the butterflies in her stomach fluttering wildly. “I guess maybe I’m just too needy for a college student.”

            Erza laughed and felt her cheeks heat. “College is too distracting for a _serious_ relationship,” she said softly, realizing her own hypocrisy. “I hear music is quite consuming.”

            “What does your boyfriend do?”

            “Oh, I don’t know,” she said with an unintended edge. “He travels around making sure fancy buildings get built right.” Erza bit her lip and decided to be blunt. “He’s not around much, to be honest. I’m trying to decide if that’s a problem. Sometimes I think it’s fine but other times…” She glanced over at him and found his eyes trained on hers. “Other times I think I don’t want an absent boyfriend.”

            “Hollow things stay hollow,” he murmured. “Sometimes it’s because we never put anything in there and sometimes there’s a hole in the bottom.”

            “That’s an interesting way of putting it.”

            “My abuela was an interesting woman.” Jellal sighed and glanced at the face of his new phone. “This thing says I’ve got PT in a few minutes.”

            Erza stood and folded her hands in front of her. “I should go. I’ve got a few more things to do before heading home. My shift ended a while ago.”

            “Is this goodbye for now?”

            “For _now,”_ she said, smiling.

* * *

 

            She dreamed that his lips tasted of something soft like vanilla. His palms and fingers weren’t smooth. Erza woke with in a cold sweat and a burning need to know where he lived, and what his sheets looked like.

            Simon texted when she was in the shower and Erza opted to not respond until much, much later.

* * *

 

            “So, in theory, I could _say_ I had a high hand but really have nothing?” Erza asked, smirking from behind her fan of cards.

            “That’s the point.” Jellal slid his cards into a stack and placed them facedown on his side table. “You’ve got to make me believe your cards are good so I’ll keep betting.”

            “Is that why they call it poker face?”

            “Yep.”

            “How’s mine?”

            “Horrible.”

            Erza laughed. “I’m trying!”

            “Let’s see.” He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and pulled her hand into his lap. “This is a truly terrible hand, Erza.”

            “I wouldn’t have known either way,” she said, not pulling away. Jellal focused on their hands and slid his fingers between hers. “How did you wind up nearly splattered on the road?” Erza asked in a breath. His hands were just as rough as they were in her dream. She wanted to know _why._ She wanted to know _everything._

“I was on my way home from a particularly bad shift. I guess I let myself get distracted. It’s never safe to be going that fast in the rain.”

            “What do you do?”

“Well, I went to school for math stuff and then got lost in the stars. I don’t have the discipline for a doctorate program so I dropped out and started over.”

            “Wow.”

            “That’s what my mom said, only with less polite words. She was happy when I got my EMT certification and then I got the glare again when I went into the fire academy.”

            “So you’re a firefighter?”

            “Yep.”

            “Do you like it?”

            “It’s exciting. Weird hours though.” His grin disarmed her utterly. “I think you can understand that.”

            “I can. I never planned on being an ER nurse but here we are.”

            “I remember the chaos that comes before the ER. I can’t imagine carrying that forward once we leave.”

            “It’s messy.” Erza twisted her hand so his palm pressed against hers. “I like nursing but I’m starting to realize this isn’t a department I want to stay in.”

            “That’s fair.” He stared hard at their hands. “Sometimes change is a good thing.”

            “It is.” She wanted to expound on the subject but the silence between them choked her.

* * *

 

            “Deep breath in,” the doctor said quietly. “Okay, good. Exhale slowly.”

            Erza watched the examination from the far corner of Jellal’s room. Her fingertips drew anxious shapes on the curve of her neck. He’d be released any day now and she didn’t want to face what that meant.

            “I think it’s safe to say, Mister Fernandes, you’re well on the mend. Your breathing has improved a great deal.” The doctor sighed. “I’m sorry the leg surgery wasn’t possible. There were just too many other complications. You’ll have to wait for the bones to heal on their own.”

            “I think I can manage that if I can go home.”

            “We’ll give it another twenty-four hours and go from there. I’m recommending outpatient PT.”

            “Thanks.”

            Erza didn’t watch the doctor go. Her eyes were glued to the sun beyond the window glass. She should be in bed already. When had it become her norm to stay with him until well into the morning?

            “You’re awful quiet over there,” he said, breaking the silence.

            “It’ll be boring around here without you,” she said without thinking.

            “My presence entertains the entire hospital?” Jellal laughed softly and settled back against his pillows.

            “Maybe not the _whole_ hospital but you’ve certainly made my shifts a brighter place.” She crossed the room and felt his gaze on her even though she hadn’t met his eyes.

            “I wouldn’t mind being a part of your world beyond your shifts, Erza.”

            “Jellal –” Part of her wondered when they’d become so casual. So intimately acquainted. “I’m in a weird place right now. I don’t know what I want to do about it.”

            “Maybe I don’t mind.” His expression was smooth and honest. Erza chewed on her lip and pressed her thumb to the underside of his wrist. His bones felt so fragile. She’d seen the inside of him once and watched him almost die. Perhaps spending time with him would be a black hole she’d fall into that further complicated her life but maybe… maybe he was something brighter.

* * *

 

            The building was older than she expected. Very lived in. The brick was wet and the iron rails of the fence, cold. On the front steps a little girl licked vanilla ice cream from her fingers while her older brother tapped away at the face of his phone. The girl laughed raucously and the boy glanced up briefly and smiled. Erza walked right past them both and peered at the buzzer panel.

            “It’s open,” the boy said from behind her. “They’re supposed to have it locked all the time but there’s somebody moving in today and it’s open.”

            “Thanks,” Erza muttered, pulling the door open. The inside was all hard wood and smooth walls. An elevator stood at the end of the hallway but Erza took the stairs all the way to the third floor. Jellal’s apartment was a corner unit and she instantly felt bad for knocking because the sound of his cast hitting the floor could be heard on the other side of the door. He smiled as the whoosh of air disturbed the strands of her hair that brushed her shoulders.

            “Are you ready?” she blurted. This was new. _All_ of this was new.

            “Yeah.” Jellal reached for his jacket and edged out into the hall before pulling it on. “I didn’t hear you buzz.”

            “That’s because I didn’t. The kids on the front stoop said the door was unlocked for a move in today.”

            “Ah, they’re full of shit. That’s just what they tell their parents during spring break when they have friends over and don’t want to log the buzzer.”

            “I see.” Erza watched him pull the hood of his jacket free and zip the front. “You have the address, right?”

            “Yep! Thanks for driving me. My mom had a lecture and Ultear is…” He laughed under his breath. “She’s busy. The Captain says if I get busted driving before this cast is off they’ll put me in the kitchen for six months.”

            “I don’t think you could drive with that even if you wanted to.”

            “Mm –” Jellal’s grin turned wicked. “I could if I tried. But I won’t.”

            “Are you no good in the kitchen?”

            “I’m _excellent_ in the kitchen but the firehouse is a tough crowd. They only ever want the basics.” He started down the hallway and paused beside the stairs before continuing toward the elevator.

            “You don’t like the basics?”

            “They’re alright but I like things a little more complicated than that.”

            They stepped into the elevator and when the doors slid closed, Erza’s heart began to race. He smelled like soap and deodorant and something sugary like the homemade icing that seeped into every twist of a cinnamon bun.

            “I get a lot of takeout,” she finally said into the silence. “I never really bought much kitchen stuff becau –” Erza cleared her throat awkwardly. “I never got around to it, I guess.”

            The _real_ reason her kitchen still stood mostly bare was because she’d been waiting for Simon to suggest they move in together. The softer, more romantic part of her wanted everything to be _theirs._ She wanted the ownership of new things and not things that were still hers but in a shared kitchen. It seemed silly when on the verge of being spoken out loud.

            “It’s hard to settle when you work the graveyard,” Jellal offered.

            “Yeah.”

* * *

 

            Jellal’s physical therapist was part of a sports medicine complex next door to an orthopedist. They worked on breathing techniques and exercises to try and curb atrophy in his broken leg. He looked miserable and Erza found herself wanting to fix it.

            And simultaneously wondered what the fuck she was doing. Why was she escorting this man to his therapy sessions? A shuttle could’ve easily provided the service. Why was she talking to him about her mostly empty apartment and the seemingly endless holes in her life?

            _Because he’s not Mirajane and Simon never asks._

            The answer was simple but hurt more than she thought it should considering how long it had been a known fact.

* * *

 

            Jellal was silent in the car ride back. He seemed tired.

            “The insurance company paid off my bike,” he finally said as they neared his building. “I don’t know if I’ll get another one. My mom says this car is enough but I’ll miss the bike.”

            “You should do what you think will make you happy.”

            “I’m happy right now.”

            Erza laughed lightly and pulled into the small lot behind his building. “Right this second you’re happy?”

            “Yeah. I’m happy that you drove me today and I’m happy you haven’t left yet.”

            “You looked miserable earlier,” she said softly, pulling the keys from the ignition.

            “PT sucks. But now it’s over.” He reached for the keys and Erza held them out in the palm of her hand. Jellal took the keys and put them away in his pocket but didn’t let go of her hand. “When does your bus come?”

            “They run all day. Every twenty minutes or so.”

            “Are you hungry?”

            “Only if you plan on backing up your claim that you’re _excellent_ in the kitchen.”

            “I think I can manage that.”

            Jellal didn’t let go of her hand until they crossed the threshold of his apartment.

* * *

 

            “You _what?”_ Mirajane hissed. _“Why?”_

            “Because he needed a ride,” Erza said airily – more airily than she actually felt.

            “They have shuttles for that, Erza. Why did he call _you?”_

            “Because I gave him my number and told him to call me if he needed anything.” Erza could feel the purse of Mirajane’s lips.

            “Erza, you know I support you moving on from Simon. You know that. But not like this. You’re still _with_ him and now you’re spending time with motorcycle guy? _At his house where he cooks for you?_ Reddit calls this an emotional affair. Did you know that?”

            “That’s stupid. I haven’t done anything.” Even as she said the words she knew they were lies. Besides letting Jellal hold her hand – and liking it _very_ much – she knew that he knew they were inching closer and closer to something treacherous.

            “Erza, listen to you. You and motorcycle guy experienced something very tragic together and you’ve bonded over that. This kind of stuff happens a lot and relationships built on that don’t last. And that’s to say nothing of relationships that start out when one half is still in a relationship with someone else.”

            “Good thing we aren’t in a relationship then.” Erza pulled all of the dirty spare scrubs from her locker and stuffed them in her bag. Laundry was a required evil.

            “You know what I mean.”

            Erza closed her locker shut and turned to face Mirajane. “I understand you’re concerned, Mira. But I promise, I’m _fine._ We’re just…” The words tangled on her tongue and Mirajane took the opportunity.

            “Break up with Simon. If you care about this guy at _all_ break up with Simon. Honestly, Erza, you should do that anyway.”

* * *

 

            Erza stared at the burned slices of sausage and, with a frustrated sigh, tossed them out. Her morning meal would be cold cereal and milk. The attempt at cooking was pathetic. She lacked everything necessary for it and didn’t want to think about why she’d made the effort in the first place.

            The shrill ring of her phone came just as she swallowed the last mouthful of milk from her empty bowl. The name on the face of the phone annoyed her. She wondered if Simon _ever_ bothered to remember she’d normally be sleeping.

            “Hello?” she answered snappishly.

            “Did I wake you? I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

            “No, it’s fine,” she lied. “I was about to turn in, though.”

            “Perfect. I’m bushed.”

            “Listen, Simon –”

            “Buzz me up? I’m outside your building.”

            Erza’s annoyance flared. _What?_ “I’m too tired to understand what you’re saying. Are you here?”

            “Yes, Erza. I’m outside your building. Haven’t you been getting my texts? I caught an earlier flight. Are you going to let me up or do I need to call a cab back to my place?”

            “Uh, right. Sorry.” Erza ended the call abruptly and crossed her apartment to the panel near the door. Her finger hesitated over the white button. Mirajane’s voice rattled in her head. What she _should_ do is call Simon back and tell him it was over.

            Instead she pressed the button that would allow Simon access into the building.

* * *

 

            Erza stared at the fan of sunlight that seeped through the edges of her light canceling curtains. Streaks of it pointed toward the opposite wall but were ultimately choked by darkness. Simon breathed deeply beside her. When she glanced over at him the sight of his naked skin made her stomach turn.

            _What are you doing?_

            Was it fair to let Simon fuck her while she closed her eyes and pretended to see someone else?

            _Is it fair for him to pop in and out whenever he wants all while dropping hints that your schedule – your life – is unacceptable?_

            His complaints of her meal of cold cereal had irritated her. His questions about text messages she’d muted irritated her. The way he breathed into the curve of her neck while pressing his chest to her back _irritated her._

            Erza’s phone buzzed on the side table and without hesitation she reached for it. Jellal had sent her a picture of his breakfast. Her stomach rumbled. In the corner of the photo she caught a glimpse of his wrist and remembered pressing her thumb against the delicate tangle of bones and blood vessels. She remembered the rough feel of his skin in her dreams. Erza’s mind twisted the hospital sheets into her own and she let the phone slide off the edge of the bed and her hand found the spot between her thighs that hadn’t been stirred at all by the man sleeping next to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm quite aware my timeline doesn't quite match up with the times the Northern Lights appear in Seattle but I'm okay with it.

            The breeze served as a reminder that spring was on its last leg. Soon the boardwalk would be filled with vacationing tourists. Weather this far north never reached scorching temperatures but it would be hot enough for shorts and sandals. Erza closed her eyes and enjoyed the ocean air.

            “You seem happier today,” Jellal said from beside her. He leaned forward over the railing and centered his weight on his forearms. His cast had been removed but he still relied on PT and balance exercises.

            “I feel lighter, I think.”

            “Why?”

            Erza sighed. The wind lifted her hair from her shoulders and she smiled. “I don’t know.”

            This was a lie. She _did_ know. Simon had been in town until the previous afternoon, and he’d stayed for nearly a month. His presence irritated her but she still hadn’t ended their relationship – she didn’t know _how._

            How does one terminate a romantic relationship that barely existed in its current state anyway? Erza had hoped it would die on its own but underestimated Simon’s assumptions of her contentedness. Sometimes she wondered how he could possibly be okay with such empty interactions and lackluster sex. The answer to her musings was, of course, the same way _she’d_ been okay with it for years. By pretending it was fine.

            “Did your boyfriend leave again?” he asked softly.

            “He did.” Erza leaned back from the rail and blew out a breath. “He won’t be back until autumn. Condominiums in Tokyo or something.”

            “Sounds exciting.”

            “Does it?” She glanced over at him and found a smile on his lips.

            “Not really. Have you ever traveled with him?”

            “No,” Erza said softly enough for the ocean to carry away most of her voice. “There’s never been time. He finished school before me and took a position at the firm of a family friend.” She gazed down at the water swirling amongst the pilings. “I jumped at the first job offered to me and here I am. I don’t really have the temperament for travel, I guess. I… I like being home too much.”

            “My parents used to travel. My mom doesn’t do it much anymore, though.”

            Erza bit her lip. “I’m sorry.”

            “He’s been gone for a long time.” He inched closer and caught a strand of scarlet between his fingers. “I don’t think I need to travel around the world to find things that make me happy.”

            She turned and watched him curl her hair around a finger. The impulse to touch him took her by force and she pressed herself against his body. Jellal’s arm slid around her shoulder. Part of her thought they should keep a distance between them in public. Erza and Simon had many mutual friends in the city and anyone might see her with Jellal. But a bigger part of her enjoyed the affection he freely gave to her without compunction or contrition.

            They stayed until the sun set and the waters turned dark.

* * *

 

            “Do you have any food allergies?” he asked before smiling back at her over his shoulder. “I feel like I’ve had you in my kitchen too many times to have not asked that already. My bad.”

            “Don’t apologize. I’d have said something if I had an allergy or preference.”

            “So everything’s always been perfect then?”

            Erza laughed and polished off her wine. “Yeah, I guess so but don’t let that go to your head.”

            “I’ll try not to.”

            Jellal’s kitchen was airy and bright. His apartment was a corner unit and had plenty of windows that provided natural light she thought suited him. She tried not to think about her own apartment and its all of two windows. Maybe she deserved the shadows.

            “Hey,” Jellal cut her darkening thoughts off at the knees and set a plate in front of her. “Where’d you go?”

            “Sorry, I just got distracted.” Erza smiled but she could feel his eyes prodding her. The time she spent with Jellal shouldn’t be wasted thinking of the shadows in her apartment. “This looks great!”

            The chicken had been perfectly fried and the batter, a flawless golden brown. Everything smelled delicious. Erza considered herself a takeout aficionado and Jellal’s food surpassed anything she’d purchased at a restaurant.

            “How come you’re a firefighter and not a chef?” she asked, dipping a bite of chicken into gravy.

            “Because it’s not always a good idea to mix a hobby with work. I _like_ to be in the kitchen but I think if it were my job I’d like it less.” He grinned and took her empty plate. “Besides I kinda like surprising people with it. And it keeps you around my apartment and not my restaurant so… I’d say it’s a win-win.”

            Erza felt the tips of her ears burn. She still wasn’t quite used to his flirting – even though he’d been doing it for weeks and weeks. Together they made quick work of the dirty dishes and Erza found herself fascinated by his wrists dipping in and out of the soapy water. Everything about him drew her in. She wondered how long the new shine would take to wear off. Simon had settled into their relationship quickly and within months it felt like an old marriage. Erza didn’t want that again. She wanted something delightfully anxious. Something _exciting._

            The wine was finished so she settled for a bottle of water on his couch when the dishes were set out to dry. As if it were the most normal thing, she settled against his side and under his arm. Jellal’s socks were of the white athletic variety and she decided she liked that he always left his shoes at the door. There was something inviting about knowing she’d taken off her shoes and planned to stay a while.

            “What were you thinking about earlier?” he asked, turning his head to see her face more closely. He had a tiny scar on his chin. It was nothing more than a thin white line. A small fission of skin. She wondered where it came from and what other stories his body had to tell.

            “I was thinking about all your windows. There’s so much light in here. I’m…” she smiled and decided to be honest. “I’m jealous. My apartment is so dark and lately I’ve been unhappy there.”

            “You don’t have to be unhappy there, Erza.” She watched his mouth form the words and loved the shape of his lips. The memory of thin breaths in the rain came to her and the impulse to touch his mouth to make sure his lips were actually pink and warm was strong. “The first step to making a change is identifying the problem. I believe you’ve done that.”

            “I have,” she whispered. His eyes were still the same heartbreaking shade of green but were no longer on the edge of death. They hadn’t been for a long time. The only dying thing between them was the boyfriend she hadn’t managed to get rid of. Surrounded by Jellal’s things, though – his couch, his walls, his _windows_ , his arms – Erza couldn’t think about Simon. Instead she gave into the impulse and closed the small space between them and pressed her lips against his.

            It was just a breath of a kiss. A cling of skin and a flash of something bright in her chest.

            “I’m sorry,” she whispered against his mouth, not pulling away. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

            “Maybe you weren’t,” he breathed. “Maybe I don’t care.” Jellal came for her this time. His first kiss was soft – a gentle precursor. The second kiss spoke a language Erza thought maybe she’d forgotten. But she _hadn’t._ Her mouth and body still remembered the thrilling shape and tone of the words.

            Jellal kissed like he was both running out of time and had all the time in the world. The contradiction of the fierce press of his lips and the slow way his fingers pulled through her hair forced a desperate sound from the back of Erza’s throat. She grasped his shoulder and wanted to pull herself into his lap and feel every part of him. Her hand closed around a wad of his t-shirt sleeve and the arm around her shoulders tightened. Erza gave into another impulse and he seemed to read her mind as he lifted her leg over his hips and pulled her flush against him.

            Erza’s mind emptied of every single thought. She couldn’t focus on anything except for the feel of Jellal’s body between her thighs and his tongue brushing against hers. When his fingers inched beneath the hem of her shirt, she sighed against his lips. The build up to this moment had been weeks and _weeks_ but the payoff was already incredible.

            The sound of her phone alarm startled them both. Erza jumped and Jellal froze.

            “What’s that?” he whispered, his lips still brushing against hers.

            “My alarm. I have to work tonight.”

            “Tonight?” Jellal pulled away and smoothed her shirt back into place. “It’s ten in the morning. Have you not slept?”

            “Uh,” Erza’s face felt hot. “No. I –”

            “Come on,” Jellal secured her against him and rose, almost unsteadily, to his feet.

            “I know it sounds stupid but I lose track of time when… well, when I’m _here_. With you, I mean. If I made it to the alarm it would’ve been because I didn’t want to go.”

            “Is it an all night shift?”

            “Yeah.” She couldn’t quite bring herself to let him go. “Sorry. I know it was a lot of effort to make a full meal so early in the day.”

            “Erza.” He kissed her again, softer but with the hard edge of no time. “It was worth the effort. You worked last night, too. I’d feel bad if you spent all your sleep hours here.”

            “I don’t.” Her words were simple and abrupt. She didn’t look away. “But I do need to head out. I go in at nine tonight and need an hour of prep time beforehand.”

            “Go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” His mouth opened and closed almost as if he would take back such a bold assumption. The silence stretched and Erza allowed a smile.

            “You will.”

* * *

 

            Despite only seven hours of fitful, half-hearted sleep, Erza’s mood was in the clouds. Mirajane noticed.

            Mirajane noticed and said nothing.

* * *

 

            Erza clutched her shopping basket against her chest and realized, woefully, that if she actually intended to make any _real_ kitchen purchases, she’d need a cart. Filling her drawers and countertops was a long string of circular logic.

            _The kitchen is empty because I need new spatulas and knives but new spatulas and knives are useless without better pots and pans but better pots and pans won’t fit in this basket so I need a cart but I don’t want to get a cart because then I’ll fill it up and have to take it all on the bus so the kitchen is still empty._

            With a sigh she left the housewares department and headed to the frozen foods section. Her scant collection of kitchenwares that ushered her into a week of lunches prepared all at once would have to stand as it was. None of the frozen dinners looked appetizing at all and with yet another frustrated sigh, Erza decided to just buy toilet paper, hair conditioner, and order takeout. _Again._

            As her eyes scanned the rows of colorful bottles of hair conditioner she wondered if asking Jellal to come shopping with her in his car would be a good idea. How would it look for her to be seen shopping for housewares with her… _what was he?_

            A man who wasn’t Simon. _Fuck._

            All the labels began to blur together and Erza chastised herself for having _feelings_ in the _store._

            “Hey,” a vaguely familiar voice said from beside her. Erza composed herself and turned. The head of midnight black hair was unmistakable.

            “Oh,” Erza replied, her mind devoid of other, more appropriate greetings. “Uh, hey.”

            “How’s the nursing gig?” Ultear asked smoothly.

            “It’s fine. Everything is fine.”

            Ultear raised one eyebrow curiously. Her face was very expressive and Erza didn’t have to guess at what she was thinking.

            “Just _fine?_ Not great or exciting?”

            “It’s the same as it always is. I can transfer or bid for a new shift in July. So that’ll be nice.” She had no idea why she said any of that to a woman she barely knew. Ultear made her nervous.

            “You know Jellal’s going back to work soon. Probably another two weeks and he’ll be back in the firehouse trying to pass a PT test.” She sighed dramatically. “He’s a real idiot sometimes.”

            “Oh.” Erza hadn’t known that. _Why not?_ Because their time together was spent on another planet. One where the air was thick with unresolved tension.

            “He didn’t tell you?”

            “Uh, no.”

            “How’s that boyfriend of yours?” Ultear asked casually. Erza’s stomach turned and her heart caught in her throat.

            “He’s in Tokyo,” she blurted. “Until the fall.”

            “I see. So you have lots of free time, then?”

            “Yeah, I guess.”

            “Listen, Nurse Erza, I’ll cut to the chase.” Ultear spun around to stand between Erza and the shelves of shampoos and conditioners. Her hair gleamed under the florescent lights of the store. It looked positively black and glossy like oil. “Jellal’s lost his mind over you. He won’t shut up about it and, to be quite honest, I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it.”

            Erza opened her mouth but Ultear held up a silencing hand.

            “I’ve known him a _very_ long time.” She grinned and it was _sharp._ “Probably better than he knows himself. I know when he’s gone off grid, and Nurse Erza, he’s gone off grid. You’re both adults and can do whatever you want but I just wanted you to know that I won’t hesitate to kick some sense into him if I think he’s about to hurt himself.”

            “I don’t want him to hurt himself,” Erza whispered.

            “Of course, you don’t,” Ultear said piteously. “I know you’re into him too, and, again, that’s fine. _Great_ , even! It’s been a while for him. But –” She inched closer and Erza could smell the faint scent of oleander perfume. Something delicious. Something _poisonous._ “You’ve still got that boyfriend, haven’t you? It’s a problem. Now maybe you have difficulties with boundaries or saying _no_ or just ending relationships in general. It’s not really my business but you need to make a choice, Nurse Erza. Jellal is one of the best people I’ve ever met and as lucky as _he_ is to have _me_ at his back, I’m also pretty fucking lucky. He pulled me out of some super fucked up shit when we were kids and I’m not going to watch him wander off grid and then right off a cliff.”

            “No, of course not,” Erza stammered, blinking rapidly.

            “Good! I’m glad we’re on the same page.” Ultear’s lips curled into something almost savage. She turned again to face the hair products and reached for a familiar purple bottle. “This stuff is _amazing_ , by the way. You should try it!”

            Ultear waved at her briefly before leaving her alone in the aisle still trying to catch her breath.

* * *

 

            Without having to look Erza knew the sun was high in the sky beyond her curtains. She also knew it was Simon’s text that her phone announced and not Jellal’s. Jellal never texted her when he knew she was sleeping. Simon, as always, only minded his own schedule. It felt even more insulting that he could still interrupt, sleeping or not, when on the other side of the globe.

            _‘What are we doing? This trip feels different.’_

            Her annoyance bubbled over and she tapped out a reply that felt even more clipped every time her thumb made contact with the face of her phone.

            _‘I don’t know.’_

            Erza muted his thread and rolled over.

* * *

 

            “Do you work tomorrow?” Jellal asked, tucking baggies of crackers into the insulated lunch bag.

            “No, I’ve got the next three days off.”

            “Next week I’m going to see where I stand with the fire department. They’ll want me to run a qualifying PT test.”

            “Like actual running?” Erza swallowed a bite of her cookie and tried to think about anything other than what Ultear had said to her the week before.

            “Yeah,” he said with a grin. “And some other stuff but I can handle it.”

            “I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” she whispered. Jellal glanced up at her as he zipped the lunch bag closed.

            “Hurt myself?”

            “Well, yeah. A few weeks ago you were still working on balance and now you’re doing a PT test. I’m just worried, I guess.”

            Jellal set aside the bag and stepped around the small center island in his kitchen. He took her hand in his and pulled her into his chest.

            “Don’t worry about me, Erza. This is no sweat.” The kiss was brief but stirred the fire inside of her that just wouldn’t go away. Despite knowing it was _wrong_ Erza enjoyed the ease in which he kissed her now. And it always seemed to be right on the edge of something else. Something _more._ “Let’s head up to the roof or we’ll miss it.”

            Erza smiled, took the lunch bag, and followed him to the door where he’d stashed two blankets. Instead of the elevator, they climbed the stairs three floors to the roof. Jellal slid his hand into hers once they stepped out under the stars. She knew his schedule would change when he went back to work but until then he seemed content to live on hers.

            “Oh wow!” she breathed. Stretched across the sky was a cloud of blue and green. “I’ve lived here almost my whole life and had no idea!”

            “Well, you can’t always see the Aurora Borealis from the city so I won’t judge you for not noticing.” He grinned and left a kiss on her cheek.

            “Thanks,” she said with a smirk. Erza spread out the blankets and they settled side by side. As beautiful as the lights were, Erza found herself watching him watch the skies. His face lit up with a kind of childlike wonder and she realized how much he must’ve hated to walk away from his study program.

            “It’s beautiful,” he whispered.

            “Yeah, it is.”

            Jellal leaned into her side and turned to bump his nose against hers. “You’re watching the wrong thing, Erza.”

            “I don’t think I am.” She kissed him and forgot about the stars and galaxies beyond. Everything she cared about was right here. The entire universe seemed to collect between them and weave itself into the fabric of their bones. For the first time in her life, Erza thought she understood what being in love meant.


	4. Chapter 4

            “Hey, Erza.” Millianna’s voice never failed to make her skin crawl a little bit. She’d been on edge all week so the sweet drawl behind her made her jump and cringe guiltily.

            “Hey… Millianna…” Erza stumbled over her words and tried to maintain a professional air even though her papers were crinkled against her chest.

            “Did I scare you?”

            “No, no I’m sorry. I’ve just been distracted lately. What’s up?”

            “Not much, just about to head down to the cafeteria for lunch. Want to join me?”

            Erza’s stomach flopped over and she clutched at her papers messily. “No, I need to finish some things before I can leave. Thanks, though.”

            “No problem, no problem,” Millianna said, still grinning in the same disarming way Erza hadn’t cared for since college. “I just wanted to say that new guy of yours is absolutely _divine.”_

            Erza felt the air in her lungs take leave. “What?”

            “You know, the fireman?” She laughed. “The one who was practically D.O.A. earlier this year? It’s _super_ romantic that you guys have gotten so close. I’m a little jealous.”

            “We aren’t together like that,” Erza whispered.

            “Aren’t you?” Millianna’s grin twisted into a smirk. “It must’ve been some other redheaded girl I saw kissing a guy with a tattoo on his face on the roof two weeks ago, then. _Weird.”_

            Millianna didn’t wait around for the dust to settle. She turned to leave and said over her shoulder; “Say hi to Simon for me! You _do_ pull the best men, Erza.”

            Erza stared at her gaping as she went.

* * *

 

            If Jellal noticed Erza’s desire to spend their time indoors had spiked, he didn’t mention it.

* * *

 

            “This is really bad,” Erza said quietly.

            “Yep,” Mirajane chirped.

            “What if she tells Simon? They did have that one night stand before we started dating back in college but that was _eons_ ago!” Erza fumbled her undershirt twice before getting it off and over her head. “What if she’s still got a thing for him?”

            “Erza,” Mirajane said in her most stern voice. “Listen, sweetie, how long have we been friends?”

            Erza blinked. “Since high school.”

            “Right, and what do you like the _most_ about being friends with me?”

            “Mira, it’s been a hell of a year, okay? Cut me some slack and just say what you want to say. I know you’ve got _something_ to say.”

            “That’s exactly what I mean, Erza.” Mirajane reached for Erza’s hand and pulled her away from the lockers to the varnished wood bench behind them. “You’re driving yourself crazy. It’s very concerning for me.”

            “But –”

            “You’re _acting_ crazy, too. Since when are you the girl who cheats? On _Simon!”_ Mirajane shook her head and brushed a loose fringe of hair from Erza’s eyes. “Honey, you’re going over the edge for motorcycle guy and it’s really not worth all this drama.”

            “He’s worth it,” Erza whispered. “He really, really is.”

            “That’s not what I meant.” Mirajane’s smile was sad but caring. “You can keep your motorcycle guy, nobody would fault you he’s very pretty and built like a…” Mirajane trailed off and grinned. “He makes you happy, I think.”

            “He does.”

            “But, Erza, you need to break up with Simon. That’s all I meant. This panic, this drama, this _secret keeping…_ it’s not you. And I think you know that. It’s why you’re so bad at it. You aren’t a philanderer, Erza. You just aren’t.”

            “You’re right. I know you’re right. I just don’t know _how._ ” She twisted her undershirt in her hands and fidgeted.

            “Just be up front. Do it over the phone if you want.”

            “Isn’t that an awful way to end a four year long relationship?”

            “It is but you’re already cheating. It can’t be worse than that.”

* * *

 

            Jellal’s apartment smelled like lemon cake. He grinned when she told him it was most delicious cake she’d ever tasted. When he took her hand in his and licked the icing from her fingers, she felt something stir low in her belly. His kisses tasted of sugar glaze and Erza forgot her conversation with Mirajane – maybe a little bit on purpose.

            A tiny squeak of sound from the corner broke the silence in the room.

            “What’s that?” Erza whispered against his lips.

            “Lily.”

            “Who’s Lily?” She kissed him again and brushed her thumb over the apple of his cheek.

            “My new kitten.”

            He smiled when she pulled away. “I’m sorry, your what?”

            “My new kitten,” he repeated. “When I went in for my PT test this morning there was a box of unclaimed kittens somebody left.”

            “Your PT test was _this morning?”_ Erza took a step back from him. “Is this why you’re in such a good mood and made a cake? Did you pass it?”

            “I did! The cake is because I felt like it and my good mood is because _you’re_ here.”

            Erza bit her lip and couldn’t stop herself from blushing.

            “Tell me about Lily.”

            Jellal stepped around her to a largish plastic bin she hadn’t seen before. It didn’t have a lid and when Jellal crouched down he fished out a charcoal grey kitten. The kitten squirmed and dug its claws into the shoulder of his t-shirt.

            “This is Lily. He’s kind of a runt.”

            “I didn’t realize you were a cat person,” Erza said flirtatiously. She reached up to touch the kitten’s soft, pointed ears. He purred loudly and fiercely. “He’s adorable.”

            “I think I’ll keep him. The others were all spoken for but Lily was a whiner and small.”

            Erza laughed and let him pull her close again. Lily nudged the underside of Jellal’s jaw with his pink nose.

            “Does he stay in the bin all the time?”

            “For now I think it’s safer that way. He’s so small I don’t want him to get lost or stuck under something. When he’s a little bigger he can roam wherever he wants.”

            Lily’s purrs surged in volume and he kneaded Jellal’s shoulder. Jellal flinched and pried the cat away.

            “I think he’s hungry. Do you want to hold him while I get the food?”

            “Yeah,” Erza whispered, taking the kitten. Lily sniffed her shirt and quickly found the loose strands of her hair. “I think he’s into redheads.”

            “Well, he’s got good taste.” Jellal winked at her before he left a small bowl of wet cat food in Lily’s box. Erza let the cat down near the bowl and noticed the shoebox lid of litter and a wad of blanket in the corner.

            “I’ve always wanted pets but felt like I shouldn’t because of my weird hours.”

            “You’ll just have to come by a lot and make sure Lily gets enough attention.”

            “I think I can manage that.” Erza stood and turned to him.

            “Do you work tomorrow? Did I ask that already?”

            “You didn’t and no. I traded a day so I’m off tomorrow but on for Saturday.”

            Jellal’s hands slid around her waist and his lips found the curve of her neck. The sensation was new and sent a thrill down the length of her spine.

            “Maybe you could stay here with me, then?”

            “That sounds good to me.” His breath on her neck was hot and his fingers moved nimbly through her hair. Erza stuffed away all the reasons she absolutely should _not_ stay at Jellal’s apartment and focused on the way the palms of his hands settled on the bare skin of her back. He touched her with an impatience she didn’t think she could live without.

* * *

 

            Even Jellal’s bedroom was full of natural light. These windows were wide and tall. Erza loved the way the moonlight spilled through the glass and streaked the floor. His sheets were a soft white and when she drew her knees up underneath her chin, she sighed. Everything should’ve been perfect. _Should’ve._ But they weren’t. She’d made a real mess of _everything._

            The mattress moved and the sheets behind her rustled. Jellal’s fingers were warm when they touched her shoulder.

            “Why are you awake? Shift jet lag?”

            “No,” she whispered, leaning back against his chest as his hands slid around her hips and over her stomach. Her skin still remembered the feeling of _all_ of his.

            “What is it?”

            “I’m a selfish person, Jellal.”

            He was quiet for a long moment as he pulled her hair over one shoulder and worked out the tangles with his fingers. “Erza, I’ve never fooled to myself about what we’re doing. You told me you had a boyfriend and I pursued you anyway. That makes me just as selfish as you. I’ve got no regrets.”

            “You’re not the one who’s a liar, though. You’re not betraying anyone.” Erza relaxed into the way his thumbs pressed against the tense muscles of her back. “I’ve had sex with him while we were… whatever we are.”

            “He’s your boyfriend. Of course you did.”

            “I feel a lot of things about it and none of them are good.”

            Jellal sighed and his forehead fell to her shoulder. “Erza, if this is the end of you and I, whatever title it deserves, then –”

            “I’m going to break up with him, Jellal. Tomorrow. Or today. Whatever.” She turned to face him. “I want _more_ than what we have now.”

            “I thought he was in Tokyo until autumn?”

            “He is. But I’m going to call him and end it. I can’t wait until September. I’ve been on pause for a really long time.”

            Erza watched him watching her and couldn’t help the way her stomach twisted. His expression was thoughtful.

            “I’m not going to tell you to not breakup with a long-term partner over the phone. Maybe I should but I won’t. I want to be with you, Erza. I want there to be an _us._ I want you to come to dinner at my mom’s and I want to take you to the firehouse for parties. I want to go on dates and not worry about who sees. I want _you._ I’m just as selfish.”

            Maybe his words were selfish but they were what she wanted to hear. Moving forward there could be no secrets between her and Jellal. She wanted him to have her entire heart and she would greedily take his. More than that, she wanted his trust even though she’d been proving herself to have devious capabilities for months. The words were coming from her mouth before she could stop them.

            “I want you to understand, Jellal. I’m not in the market for another weekend boyfriend.” He quirked an eyebrow. “I want all of you all the time. You have rough schedules, and that’s fine. We have that in common. But I want more than just the sanitized parts of you that you set aside for a relationship.”

            “Erza –” His hands fell open in his lap.

            “I want the rough parts that had a shitty day or week. I want to _share_ things. A _life._ ” She flipped around and settled her knees on either side of his lap. “I don’t know how to have all that yet but I want to figure it out with you.”

            Jellal kissed her and his hands slid around her waist and held her steady as he whirled around and brought them both back down to the bed. Erza fell into his sheets with a sigh. She hitched her legs over his hips when the tip of him brushed against her. His hands claimed every inch of her skin and she _loved_ it. Jellal’s lips crushed hers. The palm of his hand brushed over her breasts and between their bodies. Everything crackled.

            Though the words were on the tip of her tongue, Erza held back what she thought for certain was a declaration of love. Jellal made her feel things that were so utterly _new,_ so completely _different_ but she wouldn’t waste those on a moment when she wasn’t yet free to make him such promises.

* * *

 

            Erza’s body still ached deliciously when she stepped off the bus. She’d left Jellal in bed with Lily and promised to return after handling some personal business. Her thoughts were still in the clouds as she approached her apartment building. She almost didn’t see him – which was ridiculous because Simon wasn’t a small man. He stood and suddenly took up all the space.

            “Erza,” he said softly.

            “Simon!” Suddenly she felt terribly exposed. “I thought you were in Tokyo!”

            “I was. I still should be. I just wanted to see you.”

            “Uh, right.” Erza fidgeted awkwardly. Despite feeling confident the night before that she’d end things _today,_ those plans had been made with the assumption of a telephone call. _Not_ Simon appearing on the front stoop of her apartment building after a night of sex with Jellal!

            She hastily took a seat on the top step and Simon sat one below so they were on equal footing. “Simon –”

            “I know it’s fucking stupid but I feel like it’s me who should be apologizing,” he said with a frustrated sigh.

            “Did Millianna tell you?” she asked hesitantly.

            “Millianna?” He glanced back but his eyes didn’t make it all the way to her. They stopped on the railing and turned back. “No. No I just had this feeling that things had changed. Plus, you smell like someone else.”

            Erza flushed at being caught so painfully unprepared and red handed. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”

            “Why don’t you start by telling me what exactly _has_ happened?”

            She leaned forward and folded her arms over her knees. Her chin poked into her forearm and hurt a little. Maybe she needed it to hurt.

            “There was this guy on a motorcycle. He almost died and I saw it happen. We just –”

            “I changed my mind,” he said quickly. “I don’t want to know.”

            “I’m sorry, Simon.”

            “I think maybe if I were less of an oblivious oaf and less of an optimist, I’d have seen things for what they were.” Erza almost laughed at the idea of Simon being an optimist. She let him have his self-pity, though. “Maybe if I hadn’t taken this job all those years ago… maybe if I didn’t travel so much.”

            “You aren’t a liar,” Erza whispered. “That’s me. _I’m_ the liar. And all that other stuff can’t be changed now.”

            “Why didn’t you just fucking break up with me, Erza? Why all this?”

            Her tears were hot and she struggled to suck in each and every breath. “I don’t know. I got caught up in everything and just… didn’t think.” Simon nodded and Erza glanced up at the back of his head. “I don’t mean that I didn’t know what I was doing. I _did_. It was like this slow moving train wreck but –”

            “The good kind?” he whispered. “The kind that wrecks you in the best possible way?”

            “Yeah. Something like that.”

            “And we never had that? Is that what you’re saying?”

            “Simon –” Erza sighed. “Did you really fly all the way back here because you wanted to see me?”

            “Yeah, I did. I was ready to fix whatever was broken. I thought maybe if you came to Tokyo with me –”

            “Simon,” she said with an exasperated breath. “I _never_ would’ve gone to Tokyo with you.”

            “Well, maybe if you hadn’t already found another guy you were spending the night with –”

            “Listen, Simon,” Erza interrupted snappishly. “I _wasn’t_ ever going to travel with you. I’m a _nurse._ I have a _job._ I know you hate my schedule, you never fail to remind me exactly how inconvenient it is for you that I work weird hours, but this is part of working at a hospital. _Somebody_ has to cover the graveyard.”

            “You didn’t have to take that shift,” he insisted. “If you’d bothered to negotiate at _all –”_

“Not all of us were handed positions because we knew a guy who knew a guy. I took what was available because I needed the fucking job. I’m not even going to apologize for my life being incompatible with yours.” Erza stood. “For the record I was unhappy before I ever met Jellal.”

            “Is that your lover’s name?” Simon asked bitterly.

            “Yeah, it is. Cheating was wrong of me. I’m sorry I hurt you with my actions. I handled myself all wrong. But all this other stuff? It’s stupid and I’m not discussing it.”

            “Erza, can’t we just –”

            “No.” She had so many other things to say. Irritated things. She wanted to list every single belittling comment he’d ever made about her job or her apartment or her meals of cold cereal and milk. All the times he complained about her not staying at his place – despite not offering her a ride to the hospital or even remembering when she needed to be there – and even the way he insisted her bed wasn’t big enough or good enough. A really childish and petty part of her wanted to bring up the time he said she shouldn’t ever try to suck him off again if she was going to be so unenthusiastic about it.

            None of those things excused the way she’d gone behind his back but they eased the sting of his pettiness.

            “So this is it?” He finally stood on the lower step and turned to face her. His business shirt was wrinkled and his suit jacket in desperate need of a cleaning.

            “Yeah, I guess so.” Erza’s eyes darted around from the railing to the bus shelter and back to Simon. “I’m sorry for being a sneak but I’m not sorry for anything else.”

            She didn’t know why she said it but Simon didn’t respond. He simply spun on his heel and left.

* * *

 

            Erza took her time with her frustrated tears. Four years of pent up, unsaid things were slower to cry out than she’d expected. Jellal shouldn’t have to deal with them. He deserved more than the leftover mess with Simon.

            She packed a bag so she wouldn’t have to make a return trip before her shift the next day and locked the door behind her.

* * *

 

            For once the emergency room was quiet. The night had been slow and Erza counted down the minutes until she could leave. Jellal would be working until nearly noon but she had a key and would let herself in to sleep and take care of Lily – who now roamed free but spent most of his time lounging in the large swaths of sunlight Jellal’s windows provided. She’d opted to keep her graveyard shift as long as Jellal had the same general hours. So far it worked for them.

            Mirajane swept into the lounge and flipped on the television. Erza’s eye twitched.

            “There’s a fire downtown five blocks from here,” Mirajane said. “It’s all over Facebook.”

            “You’re such a ghoul, Mira,” Erza muttered, trying to ignore the way her chest tightened. Over the last year she’d become hypersensitive to fires.

            “It’s not ghoulish to keep a tab on something that might be our problem very shortly.” The flames on the screen made Erza’s skin crawl. She felt Mirajane’s eyes on her back as she left the lounge.

            Minutes crawled by at an agonizing pace. Erza watched the second hand of the wall clock tick around and around in circles. An army of paramedics broke the heavy silence. A stream of apartment dwellers with mild burns took up nearly all of Erza’s mental space. It wasn’t until a man she recognized as someone who rode with Jellal stumbled in that her stomach lurched. He was coated in ash and breathing oxygen. For half a second his eyes met Erza’s and her heart skipped a painful beat. His expression gave away nothing.

            The first shift of staff rolled in and Erza clocked herself out. She didn’t pester the now unconscious firefighter still breathing oxygen or his wife whose eyes were still wet.

            She just left.

            Erza kept her eyes on the pavement and her hand in her pocket clenched around her phone. She wouldn’t be _that_ girlfriend. The one who called every five minutes when there was a crisis demanding to know if he was okay. This was his _job._

            Jellal lived several blocks away from the hospital and on any other day she’d have taken the bus but routes weren’t on schedule due to the fire and clean up. The sun was inching toward its zenith when she let herself into his building.

            Lily’s paws were curled in the way that meant he was aware of her presence but wouldn’t get up to greet her. Erza perched on the edge of Jellal’s couch cushions and set her phone on the low table in front of her. She stared at the black screen and let her tears drip down onto her knees. Maybe she should call. Just once? Maybe? Lily appeared beside her and poked his nose into her arm. His tail brushed the cushion but Erza couldn’t move. She was stuck. _Waiting._ Lily began to clean his paws.

            When Jellal’s front door opened, Erza still couldn’t move. She waited for the familiar sounds of his boots or a tired sigh. Time seemed frozen in the space of only a half second. The sound of his bag hitting the wood flooring snapped her out of her stupor. Erza stood.

            “Hey, what –” His words were cut short. She crushed him hard enough for his laugh to sound more like a breath. He _felt_ real. _Alive._ “Erza, what’s this about?” Jellal’s hands closed around her arms and he pulled back to see her face. “What’s wrong?”

            “I thought you were dead,” she whispered, her tears salty on her lips. “We had so many people in the ER and I saw your squad member on oxygen and burned and I thought –”

            “He’ll be alright, Erza.”

            “I _know_ he will,” she huffed. “I was worried about _you!”_

            Jellal pressed a kiss to her forehead and then tilted her chin upward to kiss her lips. “I’m tired but fine. It’s…” He trailed off and touched her hair that was still in the tight braid she preferred for work. “It’s nice to be worried about, though.”

            “You smell like smoke,” she whispered, still unwilling to let him go.

            “I’m shocked!” His joke was delivered softly. “Did you eat already? I need a shower and I’m _starving.”_

            “I’ve had neither.” Erza finally let him go and swiped at her tears. “I’m sure I smell gross, too.”

            “You smell great,” he whispered, pulling her close again and leaving a kiss on her lips. “Can I wash your hair?”

            Erza choked back her laugh. “How long have you been waiting to ask me that?”

            “To be honest?” He pulled the tie from the end of her braid and began to dislodge the strands with his fingers. “Since I woke up in the hospital.”

            “You play a long game, Jellal. Yeah, I suppose I’ll let you wash it.”

            His eager smile was outrageously ridiculous but Erza thought it was a thing she couldn’t live without.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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